I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
