you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
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I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
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She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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