I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
