All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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