I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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