Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
