You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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