The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?