My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.