My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
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Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.