Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
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I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.