Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.