Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
