Do you still have your period?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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