Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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