He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
