I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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