We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
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Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
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Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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