I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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