giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
