So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
