just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
