Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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