I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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