I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
