All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
