everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
