Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
