Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
