Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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