I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
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He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
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I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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