so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
