On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
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I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
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I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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