New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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