i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The adults are the big ones right?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
