just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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