This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
