Tell her she can't have a vagina
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize