Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
