i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
