it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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