first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You are the jesus of drinking
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
