Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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