first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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