i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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