i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
