so explain again why im purple
no
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
