did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
FUCK WHALES
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
