I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
