i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Found the puke drawer
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
