i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
