Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
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She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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