U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
