There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
