that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
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It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
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You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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