I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
