I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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