There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
