haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
