hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
This house was built for laser tag.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
