that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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