U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
