I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
