i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
