I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
