I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
