i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
