I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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