Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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