best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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